What I Really Meant to Say
by snapescelticgirl
Summary: The battle is done. The war is over. And two have found hapiness but can it last. i don't usually do songifc but a plot bunny bite me when I heard this song. A oneshot.


Disclaimer: I own nothing. Miss J.K does and God Bless her imagination.

Songfic: What I Really Meant to Say Cindi Thomson

Everyone knew. Yet they invited him. And when Albus had made it mandatory that he attend, he could have cheerfully killed the meddling old fool. Severus Snape hated parties. And this one was going to be especially unappealing. It was the Leaving / Voldemort's Finally Dead for Good This Time Thanks to Harry Bloody Potter Feast.

Well that wasn't exactly the name of it but that's what Snape called it in his mind. Yes, it was finally over. Just two weeks ago, Voldemort had made the same mistake that Snape had been doing for seven years. He underestimated Harry Potter.

It had been a Hogsmeade weekend and there had been no inkling of an attack. Snape had heard nothing and Draco ( the other Light spy) had not been informed by his father. Voldemort had woken up that morning and thought 'Screw it. Let's attack Hogsmeades.' It was to his great detriment that Harry was in a bad mood that day. After having a fight with his ex-best friend Ron Weasley, he had stormed out of Honeydukes and straight into a circle of Death Eaters and the battle began. Voldemort stayed back to let his Death Eaters wear the boy out. He had no clue how powerful Harry really was or that he was an Elemental Mage.

Albus had forced Snape and Harry together at the beginning of sixth year. After an honest apology and a little begging, Harry had become his apprentice in secret. Snape held Masters in DADA and Charms aside of Potions. And he used every bit of knowledge and experience he had to train Harry. At the end of sixth year, they had covered just about everything he knew and Harry was as powerful and knowledgeable as he was. To his great annoyance, he found that he didn't want Harry to return to his relatives for the summer and had offered to stay at the castle with him.

Albus' eyes had never twinkled more and he gave permission. Harry was so ecstatic at not having to return to his hated relatives that he had hugged Snape and kissed him on the cheek. It was then that Snape knew he was in trouble. It was when he had wanted to turn into the kiss and devour the young man that he knew Harry meant more to him than an apprentice or friend. Harry had run off to tell his friends and Snape turned to Albus with a sigh.

'Oh my boy. You have got it bad don't you.' He had said. Snape merely scowled and headed for the dungeons. It was not three weeks later that Harry had discovered his elemental magic and they had kissed for real. The summer that followed was one of the best that either had ever had. Between dueling and training, there was passionate kissing and embraces. But Snape refused to have sex. He didn't want to take Harry's innocence. Much to Harry's dismay.

When school started again, they had agreed that things had to be the same as normal. Insolent Harry and Snarky Snape. But the 'detentions' and 'remedial potions'gave them time together.

Granger of course figured it out and Harry decided to tell Ron as well. Hence the huge fight in Honeydukes.

By the time that Harry began fighting with DE, word had gotten to the castle and every available teacher was headed into the town. Snape and Albus had been first to arrive and when Voldemort saw Snape's true allegiance, he became enraged. Harry meanwhile had systematically beaten the nine elite DE he had been battling.

When he turned his gaze to Voldemort, the monster actually felt fear for the first time. The emerald eyes were so dark they appeared black and the pure rage that was present was truly terrifying.

Voldemort cast curse after curse and Harry merely moved out of the way. But it was when Voldemort had yelled out the infamous _Avada Kedavra_ that Harry stood still. Everyone around screamed, thinking that Harry was about to die. Only Snape knew better. Harry was about to prove the theory that he was immune to the Killing Curse. He raised his hands and absorbed the energy of the curse into himself. Calling on his elemental powers, he purified the curse thru water and fire. When it was freed of all the pure hate of Voldemort and was replaced with the pure love of Harry, he sent it back at the snake-like man.

Tom Marvolo Riddle a.k.a. Lord Voldemort never knew what hit him. He was filled with all the emotion he had never known. Love, passion, acceptance and friendship. It was not something he could comprehend or feel. It was this power that he knew not that destroyed him.

When he fell, the Dark mark on his servants began to burn and the backlash of his death was sent into the mark. They all fell and were quickly subdued. It was interesting to find that many officials in the Ministry of Magic and other highly influential people, fell as well. They too were soon apprehended. Including one very shocked Minister, Cornelius Fudge.

Snape had fallen as well and as soon as Harry realized, he rushed to his lover. 'Don't worry my love, I'm here now and it's over.' Harry had said with a smile. He picked him up and Apparate straight into the hospital wing. This did not go without notice by one Ronald Weasley.

That was the last time Snape had spoken to Harry. Harry had come to see him while he recovered in the infirmary only once and told him of the fight between him and Ron. He told him everything that Ron had said and how he was so angry that he was almost happy to have walked into the circle of DE. But after the night he had not come back. Nor had Harry looked for him in his private rooms when Snape was released. Snape was devastated but did not show it. After all he knew that this was going to come. Why would a young, handsome and virile man want an old, ugly ex-death eater? He just thanked Merlin for the time that he had with Harry and tried to move on.

_

* * *

_

_It took me by surprise _

_When I saw you standing there_

_Close enough to touch, breathin' the same air_

_You asked me how I've been I guess that's when I smiled and said just fine_

_Oh but baby I was lying_

* * *

And so here he was. At a party he did not want to attend, with people he did not want to see, in a place that would very shortly no longer be his home. The ink on his resignation letter still wet where it sat on Albus' desk. Harry had of course been offered the DADA professorship as soon as his Master' tests had been administered. With Snape as his instructor, his Elemental Mage status and his obvious talent, there had been no doubt of his passing the test.

Just as Snape was about to plead his case and leave, there he was. Harry. His Harry. Surrounded by his Gryffindor friends, including one Ron Weasley. And he looked every bit the hero of legends and legends to come.

His hair now reached his shoulder and was tied loosely with a leather tie. He had on his battle robes that Snape had given him for his 17th birthday. Mithiril spun into cloth. It was fitted thru the waist and open in the bottom for better movement. The arms were fitted as well and each arm had been designed to hold a wand, several knives and daggers. It was a deep green. Almost the same as Harry's eyes. But when he moved in the light, you could see the silver metal spun thru it. It was ironic that Snape had given it to him to protect him when he was in battle and yet he had been wearing Muggle jeans and a T-shirt when he brought down the most feared Dark Lord in a thousand years. Fitting really.

And he took Snape's breath away. Especially when Harry walked toward him.

"Hello Severus. How have you been?" Harry asked softly.

Assuming his usual sneer and cold tone, he answered. "I've been just fine, _Mr. Potter._ And I would ask you not to address me in such a familiar tone."

Harry's eyes immediately showed his hurt and anger. "No problem, _Professor Snape. _Or should I say _Mr. Snape_ as I hear you are running away. Have a nice life Snape."

_

* * *

_

_What I really meant to say is_

_I'm dying here inside_

_And I miss you more each day_

_There's not a night I haven't cried_

_And baby here's the truth _

_I'm still in love with you_

_Yeah . . that's what I really meant to say_

* * *

Snape turned away lest Harry see the hurt and pain in his eyes. Harry was the one that had left him. He hadn't spoken to him in two weeks. Why should he feel guilty? Why should he be feeling the pain? Dear Goddess, why hadn't he asked Harry what had happened? Why hadn't he just told Harry that he was dying inside without him? That he missed him so much, he couldn't think straight. How, after 20 years he had finally broken down and cried. Why hadn't he told him that he loved him and thrown his pride out the window, begging him to stay

Harry hadn't seen any of this as he had turned away as well. What had he done? He had done exactly as Severus had asked him to. He had given him time and space. He loved this man with all his heart. Was Severus tired of him? Did he see him now as too young? Harry had thought that tonight would be perfect. He was going to be the DADA and live here with Severus. He had even gotten the Potter bonding rings and planned to ask Severus to bond with him. What had he done wrong?

Unbeknownst tothe two heart broken lovers, there were three people watching.

First, an old man with not so twinkling eyes. He wondered what was going on. Harry and Severus had been so in love. What had changed in just a few days? He knew that Harry had only gone to see Severus once in the infirmary but assumed that he had gone to see himas soon as he was released. And yet, it looked now as if this was the first time either had seen the other in weeks. He looked over to where Harry was headed and saw his friends. Young Weasley was there and he wondered how it was that he had wormed his way back in Harry's good graces. He had a strangely satisfied look on his face. Miss Granger was looking at Harry and Severus with sorrow.

Second, a young red-haired man with a nasty smile. Everything was perfect now. His plan was working out just as he had imagined. Harry would be back to hating Snape in a matter of days and would never think of him again. Ginny was all ready to fix his broken heart and when they got married his family would be rich. After all, Harry would never refuse his bride anything and Ron would use that to his advantage. Now all he needed was to convince Hermione that getting married young was a good thing. With her new job in the Dept. Of Mysteries she would be making excellent money. If things worked out well, he would never have to work.

Third, an extremely clever young witch with revenge on her mind. Whatever was going on between Harry and Professor Snape was not good. She knew that Harry loved the older wizard with his whole heart and wanted to bond with him. She knew that the professor felt the same way. So what had happened? Then she noticed Ron's feral smile. Oh. So that's what happened. And before anyone could blink she had whipped out her wand.

_Expelliarmus!_

_Stupefy!_

_Pertificus Totalus!_

_

* * *

_

_And as you walked away _

_The echo of my words_

_Cut just like a knife_

_Cut so deep it hurt _

_I held back the tears, held onto my pride and watched you go_

_I wonder if you'll ever know_

* * *

As those three people were working out the puzzles, Snape was watching Harry walk away from him. He longed to call out to him. Longed to take Harry in his arms and kiss him passionately and senseless. But his pride wouldn't allow it. No matter that his heart was about to break and his soul wither away.

Harry longed to turn around. He longed to beg Severus to tell him what he had done wrong. Ron had come to him and told him he was sorry. He said that to prove it he had gone to Snape and apologized. In return Snape had asked him to tell Harry he needed a few days to recover and he would come to him when he was ready. And he had done that. But why hadn't Severus ever come? Tears were now threatening to fall from his eyes.No, I won't cry.

_

* * *

_

_What I really meant to say is_

_I'm dying here inside_

_And I miss you more each day _

_There's not a night I haven't cried_

_And baby here's the truth_

_I'm still in love with you_

* * *

Both were so deep in thought that neither noticed what Hermione had done until Ron was lying on the floor. Everyone around them was looking at her like she had lost her mind.

"What have you done you backstabbing rotten tomato colored bloody git?" Hermione shrieked.

Harry, Severus and Albus had hurried over to the furious witch.

"Hermione. Calm down. What is it you think Ron has done?" Albus asked her quietly.

"Why don't we ask him Headmaster? Why don't we ask him why he seems so happy that Harry and Professor Snape look so miserable?"

Albus looked to the bound redhead with a frown. "Alright Ron. What is it that Hermione thinks you have done?"

But Ron shook his head. "I have no idea sir. She just attacked me for no reason. I'm not happy that the greasy git dumped Harry."

Harry stared at his one time best friend. "How did you know that Ron? We just talked and I haven't said anything to you yet."

Snape began to understand. "Well, well Mr. Weasley. What did you say to Harry to get him to stay away from me?"

Harry turned to his lover. "He told me he was sorry and had apologized to you for thinking badly of you. He said you told him you needed time and to not approach you. That you would come to me when you were healed and ready."

Snape's face twisted with rage and he turned to Ron with his wand raised. "I said no such thing Harry. He came to me and said that you needed time to deal with the final battle. He said you needed time and I should give it to you."

Harry's wand was raised now as well. "Well, well. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I should have known Ron."

"Yes well you always were very stupid. Oh well I might as well tell you. I had it all planned. You two break up. Ginny consoles you. You get married. My family gets access to your vaults. Hermione and I get married and with her new job makes enough money that I don't need to work. Would have worked too but I forgot how clever you are Hermione."

Albus saw that the two lovers were about to lose it and curse the Weasley into oblivionHe stepped in front of them. "My boys, I cannot let you injure him. No matter that he deserves it. Severus, you and Harry are professors here and I am Headmaster or I would curse him too."

"I however am not under any such restriction." Hermione said. And before anyone could stop her she hit Ron with so many different curses that at the end he was unrecognizable.

"Um. . . Hermione. What exactly did you hit him with?" Harry asked.

"Oh, you know. A little of this and a little of that. Nothing too harmful. Unless you count not being able to come for the next year." Hermione smiled vindictively.

All males that were present shuddered a little at that. Being 18 and not able to do that was akin to not being able to breathe.

_

* * *

_

_What I really meant to say is _

_I'm really not that strong_

_No matter how I try I'm still holding on _

_And here's the honest truth _

_I'm still in love with you. _

_Yeah_

_That's what I really meant to say_

* * *

Harry turned to his lover with wide eyes. "Please forgive me for being so stupid. I love you so much. I never want to be without you again. I want to stay with you and I want us to bond."

Severus looked at his younger lover in shock. "Harry. . Are you sure. If we bond, it is by blood, soul and magic. It is forever. Are you sure?"

Harry took Severus hand and placed one of the bonding rings on his ring finger. They were very special rings. They formed to whatever size and style fitted the wearer. In Harry's case, as he had put the ring on before he came down, it was a thick gold band with a thin band of platinum in the center. In the center was a black onyx stone flanked by smaller emeralds on each side.

When Harry placed the ring on Severus hand and let go, the ring became very bright. When the light settled Severus looked at his bonding ring. It was the complete opposite of Harry's. A thick platinum band with a thin band of gold in the center. The center stone was an emerald and was surrounded by two smaller onyx stones.

"Oh, Harry. I'm so sorry as well. When you came over to me, I wanted to beg you to stay. I wanted to you I loved you and take you in my arms. I would never have been able to get over you. I was leaving because I'm not strong enough to go on without you now. Forgive me"

Harry's only answer was to kiss the other man fiercely.

"Oh my boys. I am so happy for you. The Potter bonding rings can also signify soul mates and I believe that you are such. This is a very special day indeed, for the finding of ones soul mate is a very rare thing. Congratulations." Albus said.

Everyone around them smiled and cheered. But the two men were only aware of each other. They had come so close to losing each other that their attention now was focused on fixing the damage of the last two weeks.

"Excellent. Well I'll take care of this weasel and I'll talk to you later. Harry, Severus, Headmaster" Hermione said as she levitated Ron out the doors.

"What do you think she'll do with him?" Severus asked.

"I'm not sure I want to know." Harry shuddered.

"Neither do I, my dear boy. But I almost feel sorry for him. Almost. Now everyone. Thisis a celebration. So let's celebrate." Albus voice rang out to the Great Hall. "Of course, you are both excused, my boys." Eyes in full twinkle mode.

Neither man wasted anytime in hurrying from the room.

"I love Severus Snape."

"I love Harry Potter. Let's go to our chambers so I may rob you of your innocence at last."

_

* * *

That's what I really meant to say_

_That's what I really meant to say_

_fin_


End file.
